Primary: Practical Life: Disagreeing Respectfully

Primary Instructor

We are at lesson 44: Disagreeing Respectfully, and this is teaching children that disagreement is not misbehavior. Disagreement is not misbehavior. It is a life skill. It is the foundation of democracy. It is how change happens. Yet many children are taught that disagreement is defiance. If you disagree with an adult, you are being disrespectful. If you disagree with a peer, you are being mean. The result is children who swallow their thoughts, who do not advocate for themselves, who cannot speak up when something is wrong. Critical thinking develops through this practice. The child learns to hold a different perspective, to articulate why they think differently, and to do so without attacking the other person. This is sophisticated cognitive work. Teaching children to voice disagreement is teaching them a skill that has unequal consequences based on their identity. A white child who disagrees is often seen as assertive. A Black child who disagrees is often seen as aggressive or threatening. A girl who disagrees is bossy. A boy who disagrees is confident. This lesson teaches all children that disagreement is valid, while also preparing children of color and girls for the reality that they will face different reactions. For children with anxiety, disagreement might feel very risky. The possibility of the other person getting upset or rejecting them is overwhelming. Teach this lesson with extra reassurance. When they practice disagreeing, celebrate their courage. Help them see that disagreement does not mean relationship rupture. Model disagreement yourself. Disagree with children respectfully. Show them that disagreement strengthens relationships when it is done with respect. Teach them that their perspective matters and that there is room for different perspectives in this community.

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